** harsh reality

randomly thinking
where do i think i’m going
lost but still yearning
the times i felt like i know what i’m doing

now everywhere seems nowhere
just blankly giving a stare
fully clothed yet i’m bare
fully awake yet i’m still not aware

where shall all this will lead me
partly i really want to disagree
i question with great intensity
shall i go back to my sanity

some wanted something
with great pride they are telling
with great entitlement they are feeling
yet are we doing the best of everything

given every chances
stepping every circumstances
yet we are guarded with so many fences
and only showing part of our brances

is this how it should be
we chose what we see
and always thought of me and me
yes this is just part of a harsh reality

as time goes by
as rivers go dry
as children can no longer cry
in a place where we are just passers by

we long for everything
we seek for something
we demand for anything
yet we have done nothing

to Him who gives us everything
we always disregard His meaning
reasons build and we seem to always be contending
just to win the material things we’ve been longing

** experiences

Experiences could sharpen or could traumatize you.  Life may seem unfair to you or to others but you’ll never realize how lucky you are unless you’ve heard another person’s story.

It was one afternoon when my friends and I have a deeper conversation about life.  Because of what they’ve currently experienced they’ve thought of what if one of them will go to afterlife first before the other.  What would one do, the guy said he’d just probably be serving the church for the rest of his life and let his children serve the church as well.  The guy said that the lady would probably marry again if he died first.  They were in this conversation and trying to explain each part when I decided to butt in to their conversation.  I told them, your problem is so small compared to mine, my question is would I even marry, hehe, we we’re all laughing.  They then question there must be something in me why I did not get the chance to marry which I also asked why.  I told them that two of my sisters marry at a not so young age, which is probably the result of my father’s strictness. One of my sisters has two children out of wedlock and from that time on my father has been very strict to us.  My friend explained and said that it could have traumatized me thus creating a fear within me unconsciously.  True or not, he has a point, maybe yes or maybe yes.

Unconsciously there are things that have become so natural to us but are not normal to others.  These experiences have been considered lessons and thus we create our own shield to prevent ourselves from being hurt or from experiencing the same things as others have experienced.  We need someone to inform and tell us to help us wake up to our so called norms.  It is good to listen to someone who can tell us things even if it thus prick or hurt us a little.  That was indeed an insightful afternoon we have.