I wish to go back to those days were life was simple and I feel no heavy loads on my shoulder. 
I can write a hundred or thousand words of wisdom, experiences I learned thru the years. 
I matured early and carry loads of responsibility. 
Yet sometimes because of these responsiblities, we feel worn out, tired and completely and unknowingly unable to recognize ourselves anymore. 
There are a lot of “if only” with no other options left. 
But what if the only option to be done is what you have done, and the best option is to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. 
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have sacrificed myself because I just don’t know how to be me anymore. 
To be me or you is recognizing your needs, wants, longings, ambitions, likings and goals without thinking others. 
I feel that I always put myself last in all aspects of my life.
I like someone or something but I kept on denying to myself because I feel that I am not worthy for them. 
I completely degrade my value and I don’t know how to fix it.
I have gone so far, and while others are escaping life’s responsibility, here I am facing it head on.
Completely forgetting that I have a life of my own.

**Positive Life

When you are clouded with negative thoughts

Think of the happy times, happy thoughts and happy memories

Do these in deep thoughts and meditate on these things

When you are surrounded with negative people

Shy away from him or here to avoid conflicts 

Everyday think of how blessed you are

Of how marvelous the people around you and how wonderful God’s masterpiece and creation

Seek for the positive reason behind every events or consequences

For they said that there is a rainbow always after the rain.

There is always truth to this, for when you look back few years after you encounter such circumstance

You will realize of how truly mysterious that things fall in their proper place and time

Tell yourself of how beautiful and how great you are

If only you think of positive things and the great things and difference you can do.

Lastly remember to put your best and genuine smile coz you’ll never know what difference can it make to the people around you.

Giahak na Gugma

Wa ko kabalo nga ang gugma mu igo kanako
Sa tumang panagang wa damha nadakpan jud xa
Pag una nagtuo lang kog amigo ra ta
Pero nagkadugay lahi naman jud xa

Naigo jud diay ko sa pana ni kupido
Pwerte man unta nakong pag dukoduko
Nagsakit na lang jud akong tangkugo
Nindot sya pag una pero nagkadugay mura naman kog bogo

Gihatag nako nimo tanan
Kwarta, gugma, panahon nabinlan na lang kog isa ka baraha
May gani lawas wala nimo kuhaa
Kay na maka shagit nya jud kog darna

Kay pagkadugayan ako ra man diay alaot
Ug nahug naman nuon akoy maot
Gatuo kog imo kong suklian
Giahak ako pa man diay utangan

Karon nakaingon jud ko ang gugma giatay jud
Pagbilin para sa imoha para di ka magsakit gud
Maypa undangan ang pagka amigo kay ako ray magmaoy
Maypang unggoy nalipay pa nga ga cge ug katkat sa kahoy

Ako tawn, daw akong dughan may ga suol
Ingon ko nga dili jud ko nimo mag basol
Pero kung makahinumdum ko ako ra may magmaol
May ka kay wa jud ka nag guol

Kataw an lang nato ning tanan
Kay sa madugayan ako ra lagi mahuwasan
Pasalamat na lang ko ug nahuman na ang tanan
Kay kung madugay dako dako jud ang dangatan

Dri na lang jud ko kutob kay lisod na ug mudako
Akong pahimangno kay dli ni ako
Gisulat ra ko nis alang sa akong amiga
Para makahinumdum sya sa iyang giahak na gugma

Something and Reason

As cheesy as it may seem but who cares, LOL

This is where coincidences cross my path
I saw you from afar, me being the busy lady
Walk right in front of you with your breakfast buddies
I felt awkward but I smile and walk fast

Days passed and I feel like bugging you
For non-sense works I can cancel but I don’t want to
I messaged you and you attended me with eagerness
My heart jumped and I felt like I am special

You had lunched with your teammates
While I had lunch with my only lunch buddy
Awkwardness again enveloped me
But i noticed you glanced at me

You invited us to sit next to you
But I am shy and uneasy too
So we stayed where we are
But then again I saw you throwing glances at us

I don’t know why but there’s a certain unexplainable joy
That was the second time I caught you glancing at me
I am a very low key and timid person
Yet my heart wants to rejoice at that moment

I can’t contain my smile and happiness
It was the smile I wear for how many days and weeks
I bothered you again for things that only you can do
You were busy and never attended me

The day after, I am a bit sad and lonely
But you said sorry for things that you haven’t done for me
I was speechless because you remembered me asking you
I felt like you put emphasis on things I ask of you

There was a meeting and I saw you seated on the same row
You bend yourself and intentionally looked at me
Was it me or I really saw you did that
I noticed you doing that more than once

We ate lunch and you were on the opposite table
I hate you because you deliberately seat opposite me
You look at me wilfully with your colleague on the same table
I hate it coz I don’t know what to do and I felt so anxious

One morning I went to ask a colleague of yours
You saw me and approached me asking why I was there
Explaining with my expressive face
You left, and I saw you throwing glances at me while you talked to your colleagues standing knowingly

Before you were so moody and blue
When I ask you something I felt like you want me to go away
I don’t know why but I still like you though
During those times I felt like you are a girl having those periods

But all along you are special to me
You may not know but that’s what I felt
The first time I saw you, I know that you made my heart leap
My lips smile and fill my life with inspiration

I noticed now, when I ask of your help
You are so attentive with chairs prepared
And when I stand at my back
I felt like you stare at me for a moment or so

You are so obvious now
I felt like even if I am not the intended recipient
You purposely asked and sent the email to me
Hope you may not be too obvious for my colleague to notice

Every day when I go back home
I hope to have you as my company
To talk casually and tell a few stories or so
To smile awkwardly but yet unknowingly

With all these, I just want to tell you
Please tell me if you want to say something
Please approach me and let me not feel so anxious about anything
Please tell me how you feel coz I guess it means everything

I sleep with you on my mind and in my dream
I sleep with a smile and inspired as it may seem
I wake up to go to work with a smile and a heart full of joy
Indeed, you are the reason I stayed, and now I know why

** Thoughts Again 30 Dec

I am just a mere servant being seen different from what and who I am
This had opened my eyes to the challenge of proving myself once again
However, I am taken aback of the fact that I do not want to stay
There is a side of me that says why should you prove ones and for all

When you have shown the best in you and it’s up to them to embrace it or not
I wonder if dreaming of you not on the top is hypocrisy to them
But I really do not want it to be that way, take it or leave it
Especially in a place where I feel like I don’t want to

This had keep me thinking in months or maybe even years
I am writing at the top of my mind, probably thinking out loud
I am willing to take responsibilities with no hesitation, in fact my responsibilities now should not be mine at all
But there are just times where you can’t force yourself into it

Feelings, emotions, peoples, places, situations are mere factors but greatly influenced your decisions
With this I am in thoughts of wanting to move on, forward or prove something
I call this confusion, perhaps on-going thoughts, which I will weigh and think more and more.
I want someone to interfere myself so as to create obstructions and well direction for that matter.

Humans as we are, we are capable of achieving something bigger than we thought we can
It’s no mere luck, but rather a guided decision from above as well as perseverance and determination on your part
I feel like am lacking of the latter now, I want to, but I don’t feel to.
Confusing isn’t it, but maybe I just want an interference so as to change my direction and focus

Until when these thoughts will end, no idea…
But for now, I’ll try to seek for my focus and my direction.

** Thoughts…

And I so thought that you were meant for me
But let’s just wait and see if we are meant to be

They say you are not handsome and good
Yet I don’t care coz looks just don’t matter

For as long as your intentions are real and pure
At first, things were getting well and sure

Like a straight road that I can see it clear
But as time goes by, everything seems gray and unclear

Days became weeks, is it that hard to bear?
The reality breaks me to tear

Sometimes i wonder what else do I fear
Do i fear of being left to wonder

Or do i fear of getting closer
I gave myself space and so I realize

That to give love to someone, you must love yourself more
You must learn to respect yourself more

And believe in yourself more
In this manner, people will respect and love you the way it should be

** Determination – P10

“Finish your studies so that you will find a good job.”

There was once a little girl who took this quote by heart from her mother.  When she was in her primary school years, she was the shortest in her class and so petite.  She carries her big bag to school and she’s always the first in queue due to her height.   Every lunchtime, she eats with her siblings while her classmates were being taken cared of by parents who brought lunch for their children and fixed their children’s messed up bun.  This was a good sight for her to see but she totally understands this because her parents were working hard for her and her 5 siblings.  When she was in her secondary school years, she looked for scholarship programs that would help finance her studies, because she always believe that being the 5th child in the family is not a priority.  Thankfully she was able to find a scholarship that gives not much but at least could help her in any way. 

On her way to university, she was so worried if she could continue her schooling because 3 of her siblings were also in college.  With the help of her teacher and classmates in submitting some documents, she once again took up any scholarship there is thinking more of luck rather than brains.   She went from one university to the other, one scholarship to another.  Submit there and here, took examinations here and there.  She failed so much scholarship that she almost thought of giving up.  One day while in school, her teacher approached her and told her “Hey you passed the scholarship”.  She jumped for joy along with other classmates who passed the same scholarship. 

The scholarship greatly helped pay her tuition fee as well as provide her school allowance and school expenses.  Years of hard work and she finally graduated with a happy and contented heart. 

Ladies and gentleman the little girl in the story is right in front of you.  Everything is achievable and possible if only we are determine on it and put our heart to it.

Life is not a bed of roses.  Having said that, if we experienced hindrances, we should not just STOP from where we are, coz it does not take a very smart brain to spell out determination.   Let me give you my own formula of determination:

D-rive. We all have drive in every situation, look for it and find the reason and purpose for every action.  My drive was I want to finish my studies.

E-xamine.  Examine every good options you have, be it possible or impossible, luck or fortune.  Because of my drive, I am hopeful and driven to take any opportunities there is so that I can achieve my goal, thus I took up any scholarship even if I know that I will fail.

T-rust.  Trust your instinct and always follow your guts.  If every option fails, then just follow your guts or where your heart will lead you.  Because of what I believe that I will not be able to finish my schooling, I follow my guts to find my own ways and means.

E-xperience.  Always be thankful of the experience you have because these are lessons that you will bring wherever you are.  Know that your experience is indeed your greatest teacher.  Whether you succeed or not, we’ll at least you try.

R-ejoice.  Rejoice and be thankful of the opportunities that comes your way be it difficult or not.  I was happy that I experienced difficult times because without those, I cannot appreciate the happy memories or experiences I have.

M-otivate.  Try to motivate yourself by always thinking of what your drive and goal is.

I-nspire.  Inspire and push yourself to be a better version of yourself.

N-urture.  Nurture the seed of hope in your life and try to nourish it with the inspiration you’ve planted.   And in all these.

E-xpect less.  Even if you done so much expect less, because with less comes great achievement and gratitude.

Before I end my speech, let me share with you this very common quote and if you are stuck somewhere, remember that:

“Determination is the key to success.”