**My happy thoughts

I thought I will not experience being loved
When I saw you for the first time, I have no idea that you are the one
I shake your hand and you wear a very shy smile
I talk to you and you can’t look me in the eye
I know you are special but I am still not sure where everything goes
As weeks passed, I fell slowly
You don’t express your feelings but you used metaphor in words that I sometimes do not understand
There were few times that I caught myself searching the words you are using
Because to me they are unusual and they bring a different meaning
As days flew, you’ve been my best friend, someone whom I can talk to anything
From awkward to happy thoughts
To topics that ought not to be discussed
I seem to not think of whether to discuss or not, this because I am comfortable with you
I don’t understand myself at times, afraid yet happy
I discover a lot of things about you
Things that are somewhat similar to who and what I am
You are what I probably needed because you set a standard that no one ever did
With that, I feel special and loved
I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again
I thank God that I met you
Not because we are perfect but rather we are two imperfect and independent souls trying to be one
Not perfect but just right for each other
I pray that you complement my strengths and weakness
As much as I complement yours
As we journey in searching where this relationship goes
I pray that we will have the understanding, patience and in whatever differences we may encounter, that we may be able to patch it up and make it work
If you ever be my future husband, please guide me to Him ūüėÄ


**Different People Different Experiences

I am so amazed of how different people can be, of how experiences mold people on who they are at present and who they may be in future.

I met a person who was born in a not so rich background yet who knows nothing about houseworks.  Never knew how to cook, don’t know how to clean the house even on weekends and don’t know how to tidy of her own things.  If she ever sees someone clean, she doesn’t seem to be bothered nor help at all.  I so wonder what made her that way and what could possibly ever happen if she marries, how can she cope with married life, well I am not married for one.  But in the hope of understanding her, I came to realize to just don’t care at all.

Another person I met, not to a personal level, but I was amazed because I never thought she was the person who she was.  I thought she was just a commoner but little did I know that she was the baby of the family.  The favorite, the most wanted, the loved and the most taken cared of, at least that’s how I see how her family treats her.  She came to a far away place just to be on her own even if it meant more expense to her family than hers.  

The two examples are exacly opposite, one is fed by experience driven by circumstance yet choose her own way of dealing things while the other chose to experience to learn things not driven by any circumstances.  In these 2 examples we can see one is rich and maybe the other one is middle class.  Reality clearly says that we choose our path based on what we don’t want to do or what we want to gain.

I on the other hand is fed by reality of the world that not all things are free.  That you need to do something to gain something, that if you do nothing you gain nothing as well.  I was not the well loved, the most wanted nor the well taken cared of, I was the total exact opposite.  And that’s probably the reason why I do things on my own and why I can live on my own.  It’s because eversince I am used to feeding myself and taking care of myself.  I would have really wanted to be the second person but I am bounded by what we have which is nothing at that point in time.  That’s the bad thing but the good thing is I can appreciate every little thing I do and treasure it for what it’s all worth.

Experiences are indeed our teacher, it all depends if we take and grab or fed-up and let go and don’t learn at all.  We are the product of our own experiences.  You may be the person what others would want for but they need to dig a whole to discover something worthwhile.  You may be an easy person, but they need to adjust to the way you lived your life.


I wish to go back to those days were life was simple and I feel no heavy loads on my shoulder. 
I can write a hundred or thousand words of wisdom, experiences I learned thru the years. 
I matured early and carry loads of responsibility. 
Yet sometimes because of these responsiblities, we feel worn out, tired and completely and unknowingly unable to recognize ourselves anymore. 
There are a lot of “if only” with no other options left. 
But what if the only option to be done is what you have done, and the best option is to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. 
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have sacrificed myself because I just don’t know how to be me anymore. 
To be me or you is recognizing your needs, wants, longings, ambitions, likings and goals without thinking others. 
I feel that I always put myself last in all aspects of my life.
I like someone or something but I kept on denying to myself because I feel that I am not worthy for them. 
I completely degrade my value and I don’t know how to fix it.
I have gone so far, and while others are escaping life’s responsibility, here I am facing it head on.
Completely forgetting that I have a life of my own.

**Positive Life

When you are clouded with negative thoughts

Think of the happy times, happy thoughts and happy memories

Do these in deep thoughts and meditate on these things

When you are surrounded with negative people

Shy away from him or her to avoid conflicts 

Everyday think of how blessed you are

Of how marvelous the people around you and how wonderful God’s masterpiece and creation

Seek for the positive reason behind every events or consequences

For they said that there is a rainbow always after the rain.

There is always truth to this, for when you look back few years after you encounter such circumstance

You will realize of how truly mysterious that things fall in their proper place and time

Tell yourself of how beautiful and how great you are

If only you think of positive things and the great things and difference you can do.

Lastly remember to put your best and genuine smile coz you’ll never know what difference can it make to the people around you.

** Thoughts Again 30 Dec

I am just a mere servant being seen different from what and who I am
This had opened my eyes to the challenge of proving myself once again
However, I am taken aback of the fact that I do not want to stay
There is a side of me that says why should you prove ones and for all

When you have shown the best in you and it’s up to them to embrace it or not
I wonder if dreaming of you not on the top is hypocrisy to them
But I really do not want it to be that way, take it or leave it
Especially in a place where I feel like I don’t want to

This had keep me thinking in months or maybe even years
I am writing at the top of my mind, probably thinking out loud
I am willing to take responsibilities with no hesitation, in fact my responsibilities now should not be mine at all
But there are just times where you can’t force yourself into it

Feelings, emotions, peoples, places, situations are mere factors but greatly influenced your decisions
With this I am in thoughts of wanting to move on, forward or prove something
I call this confusion, perhaps on-going thoughts, which I will weigh and think more and more.
I want someone to interfere myself so as to create obstructions and well direction for that matter.

Humans as we are, we are capable of achieving something bigger than we thought we can
It’s no mere luck, but rather a guided decision from above as well as perseverance and determination on your part
I feel like am lacking of the latter now, I want to, but I don’t feel to.
Confusing isn’t it, but maybe I just want an interference so as to change my direction and focus

Until when these thoughts will end, no idea…
But for now, I’ll try to seek for my focus and my direction.

** Determination – P10

“Finish your studies so that you will find a good job.”

There was once a little girl who took this quote by heart from her mother.  When she was in her primary school years, she was the shortest in her class and so petite.  She carries her big bag to school and she’s always the first in queue due to her height.   Every lunchtime, she eats with her siblings while her classmates were being taken cared of by parents who brought lunch for their children and fixed their children’s messed up bun.  This was a good sight for her to see but she totally understands this because her parents were working hard for her and her 5 siblings.  When she was in her secondary school years, she looked for scholarship programs that would help finance her studies, because she always believe that being the 5th child in the family is not a priority.  Thankfully she was able to find a scholarship that gives not much but at least could help her in any way. 

On her way to university, she was so worried if she could continue her schooling because 3 of her siblings were also in college.¬†¬†With the help of her teacher and classmates in submitting some documents, she once again took up any scholarship there is thinking more of luck rather than brains.¬†¬†¬†She went from one university to the other, one scholarship to another.¬†¬†Submit there and here, took examinations here and there.¬†¬†She failed so much scholarship that she almost thought of giving up.¬†¬†One day while in school, her teacher approached her and told her ‚ÄúHey you passed the scholarship‚ÄĚ.¬†¬†She jumped for joy along with other classmates who passed the same scholarship.¬†

The scholarship greatly helped pay her tuition fee as well as provide her school allowance and school expenses.  Years of hard work and she finally graduated with a happy and contented heart.¬†

Ladies and gentleman the little girl in the story is right in front of you.  Everything is achievable and possible if only we are determine on it and put our heart to it.

Life is not a bed of roses.  Having said that, if we experienced hindrances, we should not just STOP from where we are, coz it does not take a very smart brain to spell out determination.   Let me give you my own formula of determination:

D-rive. We all have drive in every situation, look for it and find the reason and purpose for every action.  My drive was I want to finish my studies.

E-xamine.  Examine every good options you have, be it possible or impossible, luck or fortune.  Because of my drive, I am hopeful and driven to take any opportunities there is so that I can achieve my goal, thus I took up any scholarship even if I know that I will fail.

T-rust.  Trust your instinct and always follow your guts.  If every option fails, then just follow your guts or where your heart will lead you.  Because of what I believe that I will not be able to finish my schooling, I follow my guts to find my own ways and means.

E-xperience.¬†¬†Always be thankful of the experience you have because these are lessons that you will bring wherever you are.¬†¬†Know that your experience is indeed your greatest teacher.¬†¬†Whether you succeed or not, we’ll at least you try.

R-ejoice.  Rejoice and be thankful of the opportunities that comes your way be it difficult or not.  I was happy that I experienced difficult times because without those, I cannot appreciate the happy memories or experiences I have.

M-otivate.  Try to motivate yourself by always thinking of what your drive and goal is.

I-nspire.  Inspire and push yourself to be a better version of yourself.

N-urture.  Nurture the seed of hope in your life and try to nourish it with the inspiration you’ve planted.   And in all these.

E-xpect less.  Even if you done so much expect less, because with less comes great achievement and gratitude.

Before I end my speech, let me share with you this very common quote and if you are stuck somewhere, remember that:

“Determination is the key to success.‚ÄĚ

** harsh reality

randomly thinking
where do i think i’m going
lost but still yearning
the times i felt like i know what i’m doing

now everywhere seems nowhere
just blankly giving a stare
fully clothed yet i’m bare
fully awake yet i’m still not aware

where shall all this will lead me
partly i really want to disagree
i question with great intensity
shall i go back to my sanity

some wanted something
with great pride they are telling
with great entitlement they are feeling
yet are we doing the best of everything

given every chances
stepping every circumstances
yet we are guarded with so many fences
and only showing part of our brances

is this how it should be
we chose what we see
and always thought of me and me
yes this is just part of a harsh reality

as time goes by
as rivers go dry
as children can no longer cry
in a place where we are just passers by

we long for everything
we seek for something
we demand for anything
yet we have done nothing

to Him who gives us everything
we always disregard His meaning
reasons build and we seem to always be contending
just to win the material things we’ve been longing